Sunday, September 20, 2009

What is Now: Kirsten Haight

For a long time I thought of my life as undeserving of things; undeserving of material objects; undeserving of the goodness in life; and undeserving of my friends and family. Yesterday, it finally dawned on me that I am not undeserving of all of these things, but rather blessed to have them. My life has done a complete 360 since my freshman and sophmore year of high school. Thank goodness that I am where I am now, because without the help of all those who love and care about me in life, I would be no better than a bowl of old mayonaisse.

There have been few people in my life who I have put complete trust in, and besides that, few people I wouldn't mind seeing everyday. There are stories and secrets every human has, and it is as simple as that. No one can say that they don't have a secret or some little thing about them that no one knows. For me, the number of people that I have told my lifes secrets to can be counted on one hand, yet there are still secrets that have not been shared. It does not necessarily mean that they are bad, but it just means that there is actually some part of my life that is not being gossiped about, mentioned on facebook, or written on my forehead for the whole world to see if they wanted to. There are reasons why people want privacy about some issues, and it is obvious in some cases. I honestly have to say, when I think about the fact that God knows everything about me, it creeps me out, but at the same time it is extremely awesome! That is to say, I can fully trust Him.

In my life I have learned that disappointment is commonly found. Unfortunately I have disappointed a number of my most beloved people in my life for all different reasons, but most recently for the same thing. I cannot even begin to express how sorry I am for all of the disappointment towards me, but I have changed. I am a new person, one that has moved on from the past and is anxious for the future. Everyone does wrong, and even if we can't necessarily please everyone all the time, we still can be loved. It is possible and I know from experience that those who love you, love you for who you are and your faults. As much as I don't like sensing disappointment from those I love, I understand that I will not always be able to impress them. I am so thankful for the people I have in my life that guide me through my weakest and hardest times--you know the ones that will be there for you even if that means they miss the superbowl game of the year. Before I thank them, I must thank you God. You of all things, have helped me grow and mature into the young woman that I am now. Not only do I praise you daily, but honor and glorify your name and all that you have created. I have a friend, one who accepts me for who I am. One that lets me know I am wrong, but not alone. He makes me laugh, treats me like a princess, respects me, and wouldn't tell a soul about what I share with him. We are similar, and thank God I have friend like him who I don't see very often anymore, but still know he will be there for me any day rooting for me in all situations; that would explain why he is one of my best friends. Now, for some people I know, it isn't that easy to accept things about me, and that's okay. I know things take time, and it is perfectly understandable, and I will give them all the time that they need in order to realize who I am and what I represent NOW.

If some of you are waiting to hear it, I am sorry. I am sorry for all that I have brought upon you in the past. I know that I have changed and that I now represent a positive outlook on life and represent someone who has been able to turn around and turn my back on all that is evil. I know I am not perfect and what a wonderful thing it is not to be. What fun would perfect be? And besides that, what would you learn? I know most of the experiences and choices I have made have allowed me to understand more about what truly is important in life. I am not proud of what I did, but I am proud of what I have been able to overcome and achieve. Those who know me best know that I want to challenge my limits, seek out whatever is within me to become a better person, strengthen my weaknesses, and grow and mature in my mistakes.

So, this is not a post to put "me" on a pedestal, but rather it is for people to see that I am truly sorry for my past and to let them know and realize that I am different now, I am Kirsten Haight. I am an artist, a singer, a student, a friend, a lover, an athlete, an adventurous girl, a daughter, a sister, a grandaughter, a niece, an optimist, and lover of Christ. This is me now, so please do not refer to me through my past, but my NOW...

I love you all. The people that have stuck with me for so long and seen me grow up. It is you all whom I know will always love me. Thank you, and once again I love you...

Marilyn's False Colors

Officially my first piece presented to my blog in color. And wow, I actually cannot believe I let myself put it up, but I do have to say my good friend convinced me to put more of my work up. This one is for laughs. I did this last year in my art class for school, and honestly had a lot of fun. Using a medium that is outside of ones comfort range is pretty extreme, but totally worth it in some aspects. I absolutely love, love, love my pen, but this year my A.P. art teacher, Mrs. Barnhart, has encouraged that I expand and not solely depend on black and white. I agree, I just don’t like to admit it. J I am on a plane, once again, and looking out of my window. One of those windows that irritates the heck out of me because of its size; one of those windows where the glass is not actually glass; one of those windows that always seem dirty and foggy; one of those windows that limit the amount of gorgeous you can see; one of those windows that separates you from a whole new world; one of those windows that allows you to experience what we believe impossible. The beautiful colors that I am exposed to at this very moment don’t exist in the very world that I am so used to. In a sense I am jealous, but at the same time, I am thankful, mostly because I believe my world would take it for advantage. The next time you go on a plane, look outside your measly window and use your imagination. I don’t know how it makes you feel, but I literally feel like I am in a land of the unknown. The clouds lie imperfectly below like a huge ice land, or maybe a bunch of cotton balls that have turned into a surface for my feet. That layer is the barrier between reality and a dream. Who knew that we could have the amazing technology, and best of all it allows my crystal blue beauty seeking eyes to experience true color. The color that cannot be man made, no paints, no artificial coloring, no fabric dye…no. It is true and so innocent that just the slightest glance belittles me. For once in my life, I appreciate color for what it really is. I have always loved bright cheerful colors, earthy tones, and so on, but now, I appreciate them. Thank you, our glorious creator, for allowing me the opportunity to experience and ponder about the truth.

Now as for Marilyn, well I wouldn’t necessarily describe her as innocent and true, but I can say that this picture has officially proved to you all that I can work with color. I know it may sound crazy, but it ain’t no lie! J Marilyn Monroe is done in black pen AND colored pencil. Strange as it is to say, I am proud to announce it. Thank you to my dear friend who told me to “put up your colored pieces Kiki, seriously!” Here it is for y’all.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Use Your Imagination

Sometimes things are unexplainable. What makes things happen, why things happen, who makes them happen, and when will they happen. As far as I know, it's all for a reason and it all will make sense eventually. You know, it's like when all of a sudden you feel that light go off in your head. It may not be the answer you are extremely thrilled to hear or one that you will hurry and go tell your family and friends, but certainly it is one that is an eye opener. There have been one too many situations in my life when this very thing has happened to me and I am sure that you all can relate.

This may wonder what it stands for, but you may also have used your imagination. Honestly you can make of it anything that you want, but to me, it has an extreme importance behind it and one that will forever remain in my mind. Interestingly this did not happen while sitting and thinking about what in the world will I draw, or an assignment that had a due date; the kind you rush to finish at the very end of the grading period because your teacher had just reminded you that things are due in one week. No, no not at all, but rather this was made while sitting in a highly uncomfortable seat sitting next to two complete strangers with a small table in front of me, an incredibly irritating ridiculously small window, and not to mention the untouched package of airline peanuts in my lap. I was hundreds of miles up where the world is nothing but pure spectacular scenery; where birds may not even be able to reach; where the sun beams it's light so clear that you feel you are no more than a few hundred feet away from it; where the clouds look as if they are your pavement; where the colors of the sky are perfectly painted against a blank canvas with no err. I saw this scene and thought of a dear close friend; a friend who I knew would want nothing more than to take a shot of God's marvelous wonder and hidden masterpieces. As I sat and thought of what the expression on his face would be if he were sitting next to me I laughed and pulled out my black ball point pen and my small drawing pad. This drawing had nothing to do with the omnibenevolent watercolor sky, but rather something to do with my friend. I knew how much he enjoyed my black and white artwork and how he enjoyed graphic design, so I threw together a little something like this picture you see above. It did not take me long, and it was not anything that took me a long time to figure out. I just drew and whatever came of it, that would be that.

It was only just recently that I showed this to my friend, and his reaction was just what I had been anticipating for a few months and besides that, I hoped he would like it. To my surprise he loved it. He does not know the story behind this drawing, but now he will. I am happy to hear that my random motivation to draw this while flying on a plane to Georgia came out to your liking. I do give you some credit for my inspiration and I apologize that you could not experience the unforgettable artwork I did that day.

In saying that, I guess my main point is, what inspires you? Is it seeing another person, thing, situation, event, scene, or music? Well, for me it is when I find something near and dear to my heart that I feel the need to express because of it's effect on me. Everyone has something that inspires them, so find something and use your imagination.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

All This Hart Can Do is March On

Life comes at you fast I think we can all agree. Such as my dear friend the rose. It's beauty is anticipated for months, then weeks, and then days. Once it begins to bloom it reminds us of how quickly young ones can change and mature; the following day it opens a bit more into its adolescent life where it is just beginning to fully bloom; and by the third day, the rose has completely opened and is beautiful as it knows that any day now it's petals could fall off and it will wither away. It is the process of life.

I have always pondered about the way of life and how people believe it to be silly. To me, life is joy; pure joy. We have known nothing but life, and it is wonderful and mysterious, so how could one call it ugly and pointless? Have you taken the time to look around and see what outstanding creations live among you? Just today as my family and I were starting down the hill of Oakland to begin our six hour journey home, we noticed the scene. It was unlike anything I have seen on that hill for all the many years I have passed by that same gap of trees. There were no clouds, absolutely none. The smog was nonexistent, the marine layer had passed, and the sun was shining down on the city of San Francisco. Never before had I realized how lucky people are on that single hill in Oakland to wake up to that view every morning and sadly most take it for granted. Even in the most "trashy" places in the sunny state of California, I found 10 seconds of utter beauty. It is the process of life.

The life I know is full of hatred and disgust, but in the bad there is always good. Thankfully I am reminded of that every morning as I walk outside my front door with my mom waving goodbye to me and saying, "Have a great day!", and my baby sister calling out, "I wud you Kiki!"; as I walk down the green steps of my mothers entry way, and glance at the new yellow roses immediately to my right. It is everywhere; It is the process of life.

This rose represents my grandmother Louise who passed away last July. She was the most optimistic woman I have ever met. Her life was like a rose (a red one considering that was her favorite color). At the end of her life she gave it all for that one last petal to stay on it's stem to see one more day of light. Boy, she did a fantastic job, she never gave up, instead our dear dear Lord took her from her misery and strife. She had been holding on so long, that her last petal withered before it fell; Grandma Louise did not give up. During the last few weeks of her life, I created this picture in hope that she would be able to see my art, to see what I made for her and give her hope that she could conquer again. When I was told that my grandmother would not be able to see anything I could show her because of how sedated she was, I put down my pen. I could not keep creating the rose that was only meant for her eyes to see because dear Grandma could not see. My last encounter with Grandma Hart was a sight I will never forget and one that I cannot bear to relive by sharing with you, but when I saw her, I took my pen and began to draw. I couldn't give up on her and had to let her see it. Before I was able to visit her and show her one last time, she passed...
It is the process of life.

Today this picture is finished and here is how it turned out. All This Hart Can Do is March On is complete and shows how life, even in the bad leaves an everlasting effect of beauty on someones heart.

I love you Gramma, we will march on...

Sunday, March 8, 2009

My Life Verse

Very few times in my life have I been compelled to draw something with words written on a piece of art. I feel that the best way to express yourself is without word; silence. In this case, this it is my life verse and without this very reference written on it, I is as if I am hiding the truth behind my drawing.
James 1 talks about perseverance, trials, temptations, and fighting the fight. Personally, it is a difficult read the first time through because it appears to contradict all that I have learned in my Bible school classes or Sunday gatherings. When I read further and deeper into the verses, the Lord's mighty words become the story of my life; His words become my strive to fulfill my duties in my temporary home.
My Life Verse was created Summer of 2008. I began drawing it when I found out my grandmother Louise was ill. This verse was given to me as an assignment from a friend in the beginning of June. I read it. "Ehhh that's cool I guess." Finishing the read for a second time, "Okay okay I can see how it may apply..." Third time, "Wow, thats totally true! I never thought of it that way before. And the fourth time, "Dang, Josh you are good, no no JESUS you are good. Shooot how did you know?!" Well the first book of James had everything to do with what I was feeling and scary thing is my friend did not even know; weird.

It is strange to me how every time I reread these verses (James 1:1-19) I feel a relief off of my shoulders as if God is telling me, "Kirsten, this is my plan for you, you can do it, I know you can make it through, just trust in me and let me lead the way...". His words are comforting in my times of need, and I recommend to anyone who needs some comfort, that he/she reads these verses.

Actually just recently I gave a presentation in front of my Philosophy and Apologetics class on James 1 and it was a little depressing. That's probably what you get when the audience you are speaking to are teens who are extremely tired, teens who have listend to about 20 of these things already, teens who don't really give a care about what you are saying because its only nine in the morning, and teens who honestly...well who am I kidding they are TEENS! That should say enough in itself. I loved every minute of it, and all I wanted was for them to come to some knowledge of the fact that doing the right thing is actually worth it. Hard to believe? I know. It was worth it, my teacher liked it!

[This piece is simply a ball point pen (black); a.k.a my favorite and most preferred tool.]

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Clochard dans la Nuit

Black and White: my favorite. Color is beautiful, and I will be the first to admit that. I love colorful objects and scenery and cannot get over the beauty of nature and its breathtaking color, but I feel that black and white is all that is necessary in accomplishing art. I do not need different shades and tones of this and that to create a piece of art, all I need is the most basic "colors"; black and white.
Whatever the object is I am drawing or face I am mimicking, I can express the picture in the same way as color does with something as simple as a black pen. Beauty does not need color such as the night sky which contains the aesthetic scene of a black sea with a silver moon and white shining stars. It is all beauty to me.
In saying all this I am proud to announce the first official piece of Blondes With Rubies.This kind of project is different from my previous black and white pieces. Can you guess what it is? The beautiful cat of the jungle is done in Scratch point. It was my first time trying it out, and turned out well I do have to say so myself. When I think of this picture originally being a blank sheet of black Scratch point paper, it amazes me. The other students in my class did a fabulous job as well. We had a variety of animals to choose from including: alligators, iguanas, birds, monkeys, squirrels, the ever famous cheetah, grizzly bears, and plenty more.
It took me a total of 5 weeks to fully complete; a 20+ hour project. It was worth it! The actual picture looks much better, but this is about as good as you can get when taking a photo of it and posting it on the internet. :)

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Be faithful in the small things because it is in them that your strength lies.

-Mother Teresa

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

-Mark Twain

Success is full of promise till one gets it, and then it seems like a nest from which the bird has flown.

-Henry Ward Beecher

I believe in the ultimate gooness of things.

-Robert Louis Stevenson