Sunday, September 20, 2009

What is Now: Kirsten Haight

For a long time I thought of my life as undeserving of things; undeserving of material objects; undeserving of the goodness in life; and undeserving of my friends and family. Yesterday, it finally dawned on me that I am not undeserving of all of these things, but rather blessed to have them. My life has done a complete 360 since my freshman and sophmore year of high school. Thank goodness that I am where I am now, because without the help of all those who love and care about me in life, I would be no better than a bowl of old mayonaisse.

There have been few people in my life who I have put complete trust in, and besides that, few people I wouldn't mind seeing everyday. There are stories and secrets every human has, and it is as simple as that. No one can say that they don't have a secret or some little thing about them that no one knows. For me, the number of people that I have told my lifes secrets to can be counted on one hand, yet there are still secrets that have not been shared. It does not necessarily mean that they are bad, but it just means that there is actually some part of my life that is not being gossiped about, mentioned on facebook, or written on my forehead for the whole world to see if they wanted to. There are reasons why people want privacy about some issues, and it is obvious in some cases. I honestly have to say, when I think about the fact that God knows everything about me, it creeps me out, but at the same time it is extremely awesome! That is to say, I can fully trust Him.

In my life I have learned that disappointment is commonly found. Unfortunately I have disappointed a number of my most beloved people in my life for all different reasons, but most recently for the same thing. I cannot even begin to express how sorry I am for all of the disappointment towards me, but I have changed. I am a new person, one that has moved on from the past and is anxious for the future. Everyone does wrong, and even if we can't necessarily please everyone all the time, we still can be loved. It is possible and I know from experience that those who love you, love you for who you are and your faults. As much as I don't like sensing disappointment from those I love, I understand that I will not always be able to impress them. I am so thankful for the people I have in my life that guide me through my weakest and hardest times--you know the ones that will be there for you even if that means they miss the superbowl game of the year. Before I thank them, I must thank you God. You of all things, have helped me grow and mature into the young woman that I am now. Not only do I praise you daily, but honor and glorify your name and all that you have created. I have a friend, one who accepts me for who I am. One that lets me know I am wrong, but not alone. He makes me laugh, treats me like a princess, respects me, and wouldn't tell a soul about what I share with him. We are similar, and thank God I have friend like him who I don't see very often anymore, but still know he will be there for me any day rooting for me in all situations; that would explain why he is one of my best friends. Now, for some people I know, it isn't that easy to accept things about me, and that's okay. I know things take time, and it is perfectly understandable, and I will give them all the time that they need in order to realize who I am and what I represent NOW.

If some of you are waiting to hear it, I am sorry. I am sorry for all that I have brought upon you in the past. I know that I have changed and that I now represent a positive outlook on life and represent someone who has been able to turn around and turn my back on all that is evil. I know I am not perfect and what a wonderful thing it is not to be. What fun would perfect be? And besides that, what would you learn? I know most of the experiences and choices I have made have allowed me to understand more about what truly is important in life. I am not proud of what I did, but I am proud of what I have been able to overcome and achieve. Those who know me best know that I want to challenge my limits, seek out whatever is within me to become a better person, strengthen my weaknesses, and grow and mature in my mistakes.

So, this is not a post to put "me" on a pedestal, but rather it is for people to see that I am truly sorry for my past and to let them know and realize that I am different now, I am Kirsten Haight. I am an artist, a singer, a student, a friend, a lover, an athlete, an adventurous girl, a daughter, a sister, a grandaughter, a niece, an optimist, and lover of Christ. This is me now, so please do not refer to me through my past, but my NOW...

I love you all. The people that have stuck with me for so long and seen me grow up. It is you all whom I know will always love me. Thank you, and once again I love you...

1 comment:

  1. I love you Kirsten Haight. You're always in my prayers.